The Gorilla Suit Incident

The Gorilla Suit Incident


“It was horrifying!” Fuzz knocked back a shot of bourbon and poured another.

“I still can’t believe you ran down that dark alley,” Locks chuckled as he firmly took the bottle away.

“Excuse me, I was panicking!” Fuzz guided the second shot down the hatch.

“Yeah, but how many horror flicks have you seen where someone flees down a dark alley and gets gruesomely murdered?”

“Are you saying I didn’t panic properly?” Fuzz’s voice moved up a couple octaves, “Because I assure you, it was a proper panic! I know, I was there.”

“Just saying, running down a dark alley was a boneheaded thing to do.”

“Properly panicked people do boneheaded things! That’s how you know they’re panicking!” Fuzz fiddled with his glass, “What did you do with that bourbon?”

“You’ve had quite enough already,” Locks sat his friend down.

“How would you know,” argued Fuzz, “Ever been jumped by a possessed gorilla before?”

“It was just Thumbs in a monkey suit. We didn’t think you would take it so bad.”

“Take it so bad! I was in immediate danger of consumption, gestation, and subsequent excrementation!”

“Is he all right?” Thumbs walked in.

“Not sure,” Locks turned, “Don’t have a dictionary handy, do you?”

“He’s using big words? That’s a good sign.”

“You are deranged,” Fuzz pointed at Thumbs.

“Come on, man. It was just a gorilla suit,” Thumbs chuckled.

“If only… That would have been bad enough! But no!” Fuzz spluttered, “You had to give the gorilla enlarged ocular apertures illuminated from the very depths of Hell with an eerie eldritch light that spurted a significant distance from the prior mentioned ocular apertures!”

“What did he just say?” Thumbs looked at Locks.

“I think he said you put flaming eyes on the suit. And now I need a drink.”

“I’ll have one too,” Thumbs chuckled, “The eyes were pretty clever.”

“Make it a round,” Fuzz glared at Thumbs.

“Look, Fuzz, we really only meant to startle you a bit. Give you a turn. It was just a joke.” Locks poured three drinks.

“Oh, you gave me a turn all right,” bit out Fuzz.

“Maybe the eyes were a little much,” allowed Thumbs, as Locks passed out the drinks.

“Next time, we’ll leave out the eyes, ok,” Locks raised his glass, “To friends, eh?”

Fuzz hesitated, then raised his glass to clink with the others and echoed the toast. They swallowed the bourbon and sat in silence for a time.

“This isn’t over,” Fuzz warned them finally, “I will get you back. Both of you.”

Thumbs and Locks grinned but said nothing. Fuzz frowned, scratched his head, and frowned some more.

“All right, I give up,” he muttered, “How did you do the flaming eyes?”


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